If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me? Just writing that paragraph alone gave me a headache. It's exhausting. It's dreadful. It has to stop. Living a life that follows the ideal notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you become the spineless spectator who waits for other people to take action first.
It makes you become a follower. Worst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn't take a stand for anything. Today is the last day we live a life dictated by others. Today, we're going to get to the bottom of the truth. Believe it or not, we're not that special. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is—those people are thinking the exact same thing. No one in today's "smartphone-crazed" society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us.
The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we're too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings—not others. A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have, on average, 50, plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it's only 0.
- Devant la parole (POESIES THEATRE) (French Edition).
- You Think It; I Say It.
- Listeners Also Bought;
- Through the Looking Glass.
- Poetry Collection #2;
- Overcoming the debilitating tendency to worry about being judged by others.
It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to "me" or "my. I've always enjoyed watching performers trying to hustle for some change at New York City train stations. But the more interesting observation I made is how the spectators react.
Rather than watching the actual performers, most people are looking around to see how other people are reacting. If people were laughing, they would start laughing too. But if people weren't paying attention, they would also pay no mind. Even when provided with the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them.
Once you understand that this is how people's minds works, it's a big step towards freedom. It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations. There will always be people—no matter what we say or how we treat them—that will judge us. Whether you're at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty.
Even now it's happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you. Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you're doing. I guarantee that chances are—nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing. No one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one actually cares. What will happen is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they'll respect you. Start standing up for what you believe in—causes, opinions, anything.
You're going to have people that disagree with you anyways, so why not express how you truly feel? I've learned that it's better to be loved by a few people you care about, than to be liked by everyone. These are family, friends, your spouse—the people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times.
Focus on these people. They're the only people that matter. Worrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the way we think starts to become the way we behave. These individuals become people-pleasers and are overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged. In fact, the opposite is true. Most people don't like push-overs and are turned off by it. The behavior we use in an attempt to please others, can actually cause the opposing effect. This means that if you're a push-over, then you're going to be attracting others in your life who are also push-overs.
Vice versa. This can be quite a dangerous path to go down if you don't recognize its consequences. It's been said that we are the average of the five people we hang out with the most. We stop growing, because there's no one to challenge us to be better. We start thinking that this is the norm and we remain comfortable.
This is not a place you want to be. First and foremost. You need to know what's important to you in life, what you truly value, and what you're ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are and what matters to you, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important. You'll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you'll learn to say no when friends pressure you to go bar-hopping, or when a tempting business opportunity distracts you from your business.
When you have your values straight, you have your shit straight. But what type of action should you take to focus your attention away from what others are thinking of you? I would suggest doing those things that help you nurture your other-centered—kind and compassionate—side. Do a random act of kindness. Or write a letter of gratitude. Or, do those things that get you into what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow.
Worrying too much about what others think of you can be debilitating. And doing these three things—1 operating more consistently from other-centeredness, 2 recognizing that hurt people hurt people, and 3 developing attentional control—can help you overcome this tendency. Interested in these topics?
Of course it would be so if the testing instrument measures that as a contributing factor towards "happiness". Choosing "I choose not to be in a relationship" prevents you from getting full marks, even though you may very likely be a lot happier than those struggling along in "intimate relationships". Don't ever worry about what people think of you. Learn to relax with not knowing what other people think of you.
I like the idea, but I've had it backfire much of my life. I'm confident and direct, but as a minister I get flack if I'm not doing enough to make people like me. In my position everyone around me really is evaluating me all the time.
What do you do with that if you are not worrying what others think, but your job somewhat depends on caring what others think? I saw a scene from the film "The Jungle Book.autoconfig.simonetti.eu.org/94.php
The Power of Not Caring (Audiobook) by Grace Scott | ebidaboser.ml
The sophisticated English men bump into him, trays topple over, and he looks like a fool. Some people lack social smarts and they're made to look like fools: "Tobacco Road" types. Hi Raj, I understand your intentions are noteworthy. Lately there has been a tidal wave of courses to drown people on the topic of happiness.
When convenient, educators dust off the God of Research, for righteousness, yet when evidence to the contrary is submitted , the educational ostriches quickly bury there head. I feel comfortable in assuming that there are more than a few people who have been hurt by what might be termed viscous people, though I always preferred political philosopher, Hannah Arendt's of referring to people as thoughtless rather than stupid or viscous. Raj, I will be glad to be your guinea pig because I disagree with present theories on happiness.
I was told by a brilliant Social Worker some years ago that her Mom told her when she was a child: "What others think of you is none of your business". A Classic I've never forgotten it. I dont know why anyone would make such a comment. You are a sad and disturbed person who would likely benefit from Therapy. You missed out a vital part from 3 - when you realise you've screwed up and hurt someone, apologise!!
It is the quickest and best only? And it makes you a better, more humble person! Though I full heartily agree that what other people think, should not be important, at present it is extremely important. References are given of how other people view you. Not too many centuries back, how people view you meant the difference o whether one was burned at the stake or not.
Perhaps universities should offer courses in brown nosing to get ahead for that promotion or better job. Is it an accident that lawyers have worn religious symbols such as crosses to convince a jury in their favor. To say that what are think, especially in this type of society, where there is no meaningful communication, is extremely callous, has the author no empathy for the people this book will damage, perhaps permanently?
Raj, please rethink your book! Thanks for sharing your good articles.. It's an eye opener for me! Keep up the good works, cheers man! I'm not sure I get the first point - I'm consistently nice to people even when I don't feel like it, because I care too much about what they think of me So, I can't really tell the difference between the point your making and mere 'people-pleasing'. Other centeredness is cool as long as you don't encounter and exploitative personality, for example, a narcissist. If you yourself have neglect, poor attachment or abuse from your primary caretaker it's a familiar pattern.
A pattern in which you don't matter and won't stick up for yourself. Self worth must be addressed, you need to re-parent yourself with the help of a therapist or group to heal. I'm a therapist who just started a couple years ago.
The Power of Not Caring
I have consistently used various articles from Psychology Today as they are typically very clear and useful. I thought this article made some good key points, but more so, only scratched the surface on these debilitating areas, as the article describes. I've noticed that a good majority of individuals struggling with these things, get into further trouble when they follow a 'other centeredness' approach.
In my opinion, an article on getting away from these problematic behaviors would be more beneficial. Raj Raghunathan, Ph.
Get Your Free Audiobook
Even the smart and successful commit these happiness sins. Tethering your happiness to how others behave may be your problem. Why the standard objections to GNH happiness of citizens aren't really valid. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. The Fallacy in "Evidence-Based" Treatment. Unintended Consequences and the Cerebral Cortex. Raj Raghunathan Ph. Follow me on Twitter. Good to remember: it's not always about YOU!
Submitted by My Name on March 4, - am. Learn to relax Submitted by Manna Hedly on March 4, - am. Nothing Submitted by Edie Lowther on March 4, - am. Socially unskilled Submitted by Lon Spector on March 4, - am. How not to worry about what others think of you. Submitted by Cindy on March 4, - pm. The Highly Sensative Person. Submitted by Lon Spector on March 5, - am. They cannot simply slough off what others think about them. Suicide seems the only answer.
Related The Power of Not Caring: Not Caring what People Think, Experience True Freedom
Copyright 2019 - All Right Reserved